I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
