my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
