Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
