I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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