I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
