I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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