have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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