I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
