Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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