I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
