And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
