1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
