Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize