Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
