Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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