Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
