....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
