i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
