All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
