i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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