before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
