dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
