Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Randomize
