What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
