Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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