your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
