we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
