I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
