sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
