I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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