we're blogging at a bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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