Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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