We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
