it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
