I can text with my tongue
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
