You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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