How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
