SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
