I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
so much tequila, so little girl.
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