I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
