Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
