mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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