im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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