conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
