Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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