Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
