Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
