he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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