Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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