Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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