the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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