we're blogging at a bar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
