is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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