The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't turn off my feet"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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