Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
