Ambien. No doubt about it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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