when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
