Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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