I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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