ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
