My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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