If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
