Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
