but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
