It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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