we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
