he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
